Not Sorry Diet
Help! I’m an apology addict!
Are you the type of person that apologizes to everyone and anyone who is in front of you? Guilty as charged. I like to call it, “apology autopilot.” Hi, my name is Mary, and I’m addicted to the word “SORRRRRY.”
I apologize to dogs, cats, and anyone that passes by. My heart races when I think of that soft, comforting word ‘sorry’. My adrenaline spikes when I see the relief in the other person’s face, and my toes curl when I give them peace of mind. I did that! ME! I made them feel better. Aghhhhhhhh, the savior inside of me is so relieved. My ego starts doing the shuffle dance. It’s an emotional high and I can’t come down. Then suddenly, I have a realization. Wait a minute. What am I apologizing for again? Am I apologizing at my own expense???
Sorry, I forgot to send you that email. Sorry, I didn’t text you back earlier. Sorry, I’m in a rush. Sorry you didn’t get that job you don’t deserve. Sorry that happened to you. WAIT, WHAT? Why would we apologize for something that happened to someone else absent our involvement or control? Take it from me. I’ve been apologizing for things I have zero control over – other peoples’ emotions, their debt, their bad luck, their own reckless decision making, my inability to attend a social event because my kid is vomiting, and yatta yatta yatta.
Real talk - we’ve been preconditioned. A sweet apology would really match those sweet little pig tails, they told us. WAIT, WHAT? No more! Stop yourself! Kiss that little girl goodbye and cut off those pig tails, because you are a grown ass human. Apologies should NOT be sprinkled on everyone like grass fertilizer. Apologies are sacred. They should be saved in your heart for moments that warrant true vulnerability…for moments where you have made an error of judgment. Apologies are relics. They are opportunities to show your accountability and character.
Vomiting the word ‘sorry’ all over the place makes it a meaningless gesture. It’s irrational to apologize for things outside of our control. Its irrational to apologize for prioritizing our own emotional health in lieu of attending a house party. If a friend is splurging about how miserable they are about the way their in-laws are treating them, don’t you dare say “I’m sorry that’s happening to you.” I know it’s tempting and that your “sorry juices” are flowing. But I know you have the power within you to supplement it with an alternative. For example, try saying “That sounds really tough,” or “I wish it wasn’t that way” or “You don’t deserve that, and I sympathize with you.”
I challenge you to go on the 7 Day Not Sorry Diet. You may experience some withdrawals, but you got this! Zip that mouth up. C’mon, you can do it! I totally believe in you! It’s real simple … the only rule is – DON’T SAY SORRY FOR SOMETHING WHEN YOU’VE DONE NOTHING WRONG. The goal is to gradually increase the number of days and times you can resist saying you’re sorry. Once you’ve met your first goal, expand your horizons for another week, then another and then another.
If you mess up, don’t you dare apologize; just simply start over. You will be building some major mental muscles. Don’t be discouraged if it takes a few tries, especially in the beginning. Totally natural. We are reverse engineering our minds. It doesn’t happen overnight. No shame in our game…we just keep getting back on the Not Sorry Train. Choo Choo!
So, tell me, are you ready to apologize right now? Have you ever said sorry for something that felt out of place? What kind of things do you catch yourself apologizing for most frequently? Drop me a comment below ¯
Written by: Mary Terterov
Edited by: Tina Esrailian