Battling out age gaps on the playground…

Picture this. I walk into back-to-school night. Why is Joe’s mom staring at me? Is my boob showing? Did I wear the wrong outfit? What the hell is she looking at? Maybe she is not staring. No, she is for sure staring. But why? Is it my energy? My overeager smile? Then she makes the comment that makes it all too clear.

Let’s jump into the time machine for a minute. Back in the 80s, while most women were having children before the age of 25, any woman over the age of 40 with a 5-year-old in kindergarten was getting the death stare. Oh, how things have changed. Let me start off by saying I’ve been through it all. Naturally pregnant. Unnaturally inseminated. Shot up on hormone steroids that could send you into a wild tizzy! I’ve even found myself wondering, as I lay with my legs spread, whether the right sperm was collected from the infamous “collection room”. Too late! Ha! 

I don’t judge anyone’s process. Motherhood is a journey that entails a wide spectrum of beautiful age groups, all cocooning their own blessings. I’ve been a mom in my 20s and a mom in my mid-30s – two radically different experiences. 

In the wake of medical advancements, we have been given these amazing opportunities to stretch out our careers, our young lives, or whatever endeavors we chose to allot our time to. Surely,  there has been a price to pay which we are all collectively paying right at this very moment! Women who become moms before 35 and women who become moms after 35 have never been more polarized and uneasy around one another. 

A type of reverse age discrimination reverberates in hallways as a 29-year-old mother of a 2nd grader walks into the school science fair. The faces turn, the snide remarks escape loose lips and a sudden uncomfortable energy shift occurs. A true collapse of the unity that we owe each other as women. Our insecurities surface. Some start to wonder if they started too early. Some wonder why they started so late. Our critical brains take over and we come down on ourselves relentlessly.

And so often as it happens, our egos start driving the school bus and we sling shots by shunning out certain moms from the groups created.  I’ve found that age is an inaccurate barometer for determining whether a friendship will work. Having our guard up based on when the other woman decided to start her family, or just how old the woman staring back at you is, hinders all of us from receiving a potentially great relationship into our lives and the lives of our kids, and who knows maybe even one day, our kids’ kids. This has great impact, people. Don’t cheat yourself or future generations of kin. Remember, we are more alike than we are different. 

Have you ever felt judged as a mom because of your age? Does your guard go up when a mom is much younger or older than you? I’d love to hear your comments on this issue. Drop me a line below and remember, we are all in this together!  

Written by: Mary Terterov

Edited by: Tina Esrailian