Let’s assume a friend sends out an invite to you in a group text initiating a trip. It turns out, everything was pre-planned including date, location, and transportation. In other words, you were an add-on! Ouch!

Okay Queen, let’s heavily bandage up that ego first. And in all fairness let’s take a moment to acknowledge that we’ve all extended inauthentic invitations at some point in our lives.

Why does it happen?  

1.     The friend feels guilty for wanting to bond privately with another person; and/or

2.     The circle of friends is so large it becomes exhausting & at times impossible to plan something with a hundred calendars at play.   

What to do?

First, it’s important to inventory this friend in the proper category. True friends tell it like it is. In this scenario, a true friend would have let you know she or he was already organizing a trip with other people and would have extended the invitation with honest facts.

This friend is most likely best suitable in the “social acquaintance” category. Social acquaintances are people we rub shoulders with in similar social circles but whom we don’t share our soul with. In this case, she or he was most likely inviting you to avoid burning the bridge down (i.e. keep you at bay once you saw the Insta photos). Frolotics (friend politics) at play, all the way! The biggest misconception is that these games stop after high school, maybe college. The reality is, the dirty games are just played by smarter players. 

         Here’s the key…

Honesty is always at the crux of a true friendship. Total honesty. Not half honesty, not three quarters honesty. Honesty at its very core disqualifies white lies as some form of acceptable sub-category of honesty. 

 Let’s Flip The Coin

            Let’s flip the coin for a second and take a look at the other side. Adults SHOULD hang out with other adults you introduce them to. They should do it on their own terms. They don’t need your permission. They don’t need your consent. And they do not need to check in with you to gauge your temperament about the issue.

However, if you are being included to be a part of something, honesty should be at the forefront of those communications. Here, in this example, the friend should have been transparent about the pre-planning and let you know that the trip was already fully planned with the other members in the group and that you were totally welcome to hop on board!  Setting up a precalculated text shows that the friend is uneasy with his/her own actions. 

Share Your Thoughts …

            How would you have dealt with this situation? How do white likes make you feel in a friendship? Looking forward to hearing your take on this and exploring this controversial topic together! Drop me a comment below!