Welcome To The Friend Chamber
Can a true friend be socially quantifiable?
Can we measure honesty? Intention? Energy? How about, dare I say, loyalty? Are there rigidly defined categories for friendship? The answer is … yes, yes and OHHHHHH YES! Bust out your clipboard and walk into the “Friend Chamber” of your heart. In this secret chamber, behind lock and key there lays the reality of 3 doors:
Door #1: True Friends
Door #2: Social Acquaintances
Door #3: Dippers
Allow me to open door # 1. “True friends” will dump a bucket of ice on your head to snap you out of delirium when you’ve drifted afar. They pound on the door when you’ve isolated yourself and nurse you back to life. They don’t make plans behind your back and you can count on them treating you with equal relevance despite any social circumstances (i.e. you find yourself in a big group where everyone is fighting for the limelight). They see you no matter what anyone around them tries to pull. This level of friendship exists at such a high degree of refined communication that white lies are never told. No games. No gimmicks.
Allow me to open door #2. Behind this door you’ll find most of the people in your life – the good ol’ “social acquaintances.” Social acquaintances will never dump a bucket of ice on you because the relationship is calculated and commodified. O’ common, don’t be so surprised! That’s right … friendship is a commodity that we can sell and bargain for. Something for something. And nada for nada! Social acquaintances treat you well on the outside. Lots of huggies and kisses … muah! muah, daaaaarlin! You get the picture. They include you in fundraisers, birthday dinners, playdates, and the like, because you either:
(a) make them feel relevant by having high social power, and/or
(b) are their gateway to other people in the community, and/or
(c) you simply check off a box for them from some point in their life. You remind them of something good but they don’t have the time or patience to figure out what it is. So, you make the cut. Lucky you!
Lastly, please stand back as I swing open door #3! Meet the dandy “Dippers” in your life. Dippers dip in and dippers dip out. They’re like the purple chips at CPK, aimlessly going in and out of that spinach dip. No rhyme. No reason. Just a matter of convenience. Dippers are usually harmless because the relationship rarely runs deep and it usually lacks a level of chemistry. It’s the “I’ll see ya when I see ya” type of relationship!
So, now that you know the inner workings of my friend chamber, what do you think? Any lesson to be learned here? Maybe my friend chamber looks different than yours. Maybe you have different categories of friends, depending on your own inner world, but here’s the deal…forcing yourself to look inside your friend chamber gives you the gift of reflection.
You can be super intentional about who actually comes in and out of your life and who gains access to you. It could cause a whole lot of heartache if you misplace people in the wrong category. Like most people, I’ve been there, done that … many times! It may sound harsh, but in reality, if we aren’t intentional with who comes in and out of our lives, our hearts, and our homes, what are we doing really?
Written by: Mary Terterov
Edited by: Tina Esrailian